Learn, Forget, Repeat

I was living my normal life of worrying, over analyzing and micromanaging every minute detail of my life and everyone else’s.  You know, basically creating mini dramas in my head daily to keep me feeling alive and needed… and then… out of nowhere… we lost one of our beloved family pets.

I am devastated.

I’m having a hard time moving on.  My anxiety that was just starting to get back under control has pricked back up.  I feel a combination of dread, and intense grief with a side of nothingness.

It just makes me realize, yet again, that the shit I create in my mind to get jacked up about is utterly unimportant.

Real trouble, real loss, real pain is just around the corner.

I forgot how awful life can be. 

I forgot how to be happy when there isn’t a catastrophe happening.

It’s similar to how I felt when I got sick a few months ago, it has shaken me into realizing that the boring times of life is when you have to SAVOR LIFE.

Because there is a date marked on an invisible calendar with the next really hard thing that I am going to have to deal with. 

 It.    Is.    Coming.

 For me, and for you.

I have got to stop keeping my emotional kettle on simmer when I could literally choose to take it off of the burner.

Soon enough it will boil and remind me what real difficulty feels like.