Worrying Won’t Save Your Teenager

My 19-year-old son drove 7 hours up into Canada alone with only his canoe, a hammock, and his backpack filled with meals he cooked and dehydrated himself.  He was gone for 10 days to a place where cell phones don’t work. 

And…

I LET HIM GO.

He has a passion for the wilderness and is a very capable young man.  I secretly hoped that something would come up and he would decide not to go. But even a fall off of a mountain bike resulting in a mild shoulder injury the week before he planned to leave didn’t stop him. 

This is the summer that I learned to keep my mouth shut. 

I listened to ALL of his plans before I asked questions.  I said to him many times, “I trust your instincts because you listen to them and have always shown that you make good decisions even under pressure.”

On the outside, I was cool as a cucumber. Inside, Mother's fear was coursing through my veins.

I was relieved when he decided to research and buy a satellite communicator so he could call for help in remote areas if he ever needed to.  It was not my idea.

Every time I let go a little more - he grew.

He grew smarter, stronger, more capable, more trusting of himself, and in turn more trusting of me. 

IT WAS SO HARD.

Every time I wanted to give him advice or ask, “Have you thought about…” I didn’t say anything. 

When he was talking about his plans and making choices out loud, instead of interjecting, I’d sit back and say, “You are great at figuring things out.”

While he was gone, I definitely thought about him a lot and was so relieved to get a message from the satellite communicator every couple of days.  It was always a standard message – “Checking in.  Everything is okay.”

I didn’t send him lengthy messages back because I didn’t want to run his battery down… both literally and figuratively.  I replied, “Great.” 

For 10 days these were the only communications I had with him. 

I recently read something that said that when you worry about someone you are putting worry energy into the universe surrounding them.  So, when the worry came, I told it to sit down and be quiet. 

Instead, I put thoughts of safety, health, and happiness into the universe and let them go like butterflies.

I didn’t have one sleepless night while he was gone.  I wasn’t in any kind of emotional pain at all.  I just kept sending out light, love, and trust.

His trip was a great success.  He learned so much about himself and what he is capable of.  He was lit up on the inside when he came back.  What an incredible feeling as a mother to see my child full of pride, confidence, and at peace with himself.

The morning after he came home, we were sitting at the breakfast table talking about his adventure.  He became quiet for a moment and said, “Well, I guess I am living a life without fear now.”

I smiled and nodded and thought, “I guess I am too.”