Teenagers Are the “F” Word

You know the old saying “Give an inch and they’ll take a mile.”

In every relationship in my adult life, giving an inch has led to something good.

I am no expert; I just happen to have raised 3 teenagers who were absolutely delightful to live with. Don’t start throwing eggs at me here! I am telling the truth. It is also true that it took a ton of energy and thought on my part.

My relationship with my teenage son has gone through phases of us being really close, and then him pulling away.

There were times when I had to actively pursue spending one-on-one time with him because the days go by fast! But being close to him was, and is, important to me.

My son is really into jazz.  I never particularly liked it aside from the When Harry Met Sally soundtrack. 

BUT I LIKE HIM.

He used to sit in his room for hours every day listening to old jazz albums.

I didn’t really understand what was good about jazz; why did he like it so much?

It turned out that all I had to do was ask. 

At first, he gave me short answers to shut me down and encouraged me to just leave him alone.  I had to prove to him that I really was interested in what he had to say.

I kept asking.

One day I said, “The only way for me to really get what’s so cool about jazz is to listen to it.  Would it be ok if I listen with you sometime?”

A few evenings every week I sat on the floor in his room and listened to his music with him. 

I asked him to tell me which were his favorite songs and favorite musicians.  He replayed parts of songs for me that he thought were really cool.

He taught me about jazz.  But more importantly, I showed him that I think he has good taste and a good mind, and that his interests matter to me. 

After a few months, I started to like jazz too!

He’s gone away to college now and when I miss him, I listen to a playlist that reminds me of him.

I hope that someday when I am old, he will sit on the floor in my room, and we will snap our fingers and bob our heads to a smooth track.

There is no roadmap for raising teenagers.  There is only the amount of time and energy we as parents are willing to put into that relationship.

If you put in the time, you may agree with me that teenagers really are the “f” word.  Fantastic.